Partners in the negative cycle hang onto their protest

At some level inside each partner in the negative cycle is in some form of protest towards the other. On the outside the protest appears reactive and defensive. On the inside, the partner in protest is trying to maintain "a certain fidelity" to who they are inside. The problem is that the protest  gets all wrapped up in the negative cycle and is not a functional sharing/communication of what is inside. It is the longing for connection all covered over with defense and self-protection. An opening to vulnerable expression  is the only solution to this. By hook or crook, safety must first be created in order for underlying vulnerability to open out.